I wish I could punch you in the face.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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