did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
