Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
