I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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