i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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