cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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