i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
