Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
