Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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