my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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