just come out here and I will go home with you...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
