someone get that fucking seahorse.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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