he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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