found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
