You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
