The maid of honor just puked.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
