After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
