at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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