it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize