I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
