you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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