i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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