FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
