the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
