I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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