If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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