Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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