dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
