Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
