1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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