you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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