Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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