the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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