Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
