worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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