Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
