But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
