During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
