if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The uberlube is also flammable
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
