Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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