yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
