so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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