I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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