how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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