great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize