I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize