it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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