Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ketchup is God's man juice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
