I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
