I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The best revenge is premature balding
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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