hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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