When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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