After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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