Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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