Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
