I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
