Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
