all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize