kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
