it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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