sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
