im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
