it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
