i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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