not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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