im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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