sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
