Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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