I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
